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Back to School…Back to School

Ohhhhh…
Back To School
Back To School
To Prove To Dad That I’m Not A Fool
I’ve Got My Lunch Packed Up,
My Boots Tied Tight,
I Hope I Don’t Get In A Fight
Ohhhh…
Back To School
Back To School
Back To School…

Thanks Billy Madison for those inspiring words!

Coming back to work has been relatively smooth.  The school was so nice and welcomed me back in their Taube Strong tshirts on Monday.  Like last, last, last Monday…as in, almost 3 weeks ago.  This tells you how much has been going on.  I haven’t even had a chance to post about my first day back that was almost 3 weeks ago.  Life has been busy!  Yeah, yeah, yeah…we’re all busy.  I was eased back into teaching the first week because it was a big assessment week in my class.  Students had to review, take a test, then review and take a midterm.  The hardest part for me was grading, but one of them was multiple choice.  Look, technology has come a long way!  Now, we can give kids a special scantron type sheet, and then we use a document camera to grade it…we know our entire classes grades in about 3 minutes.  Not bad, right?  So the first week was manageable, although I did struggle getting my own kids out the door and to their school on time.  Why is that so hard?!  I lay (lay?  lie?  Dang- there’s that darn word again that trips me up every time) their clothes out the night before.  I put my clothes out the night before…see what I did there?  I just used a different word so I don’t have to worry about the lay/lie problem.  I’m always thinking, I tell ya!  I make lunches the night before too!  I don’t know why I can’t get us in the car and off to school before 9am?  YES!  You read that correctly!  9am!  Not 6am!  Or 7am like so many moms have to do.  9am!  What is wrong with me?!  I suppose I could go to bed earlier, but when I finally get the kids to bed (my kids go to bed late, I think I’ve talked about that before) then I just want to sit and watch a show and not be needed by anyone or anything.  I’m SURE that other moms know what I’m talking about.  There is nothing quite like the time when it’s quiet and no one needs you.  It’s rejuvenating!  I need that time because then I feel refreshed…as I wake up late because I stayed up too late watching Real Housewives of every city they have.  Gah!  Balance!  I need balance!  We all need balance!

So if I’m telling the complete truth I had some anxiety driving to school my first 2 days back.  I don’t know quite what it was other than just being back at work and not knowing how I would feel.  I tried to take a few deep breaths and get that anxiety knot in my stomach to go away, but it was definitely there.  I hate that feeling.  Like when someone texts you or emails you and says, “we need to talk.”  Eww!  No!  I don’t want to!  I don’t even know what it’s about, but the phrase “we need to talk” seems ominous and dreary and causes anxiety in my stomach!  I think I was feeling the tension just because I have never taken this much time off from work before.  Maternity leave was 3 months, summers are 2 months, but I had never been out for 4.5 months before.  My students were awesome!  Most were genuinely happy to see me and welcomed me back with smiles and hugs.  I mean, I’m pretty sure there were a couple kids that were like, “grrrrrrreat…you’re backkkkkk,” but that’s okay.  Not everyone can love me! The first week was also a short week; it was only 4 days and then Friday I left for Savannah with my 2 girlfriends to our annual GCCA (Georgia Cheerleading Coaches Association) conference.  We love going to this conference because we get to see our cheer buddies in the off season!  It’s 2 nights in a hotel where you are surrounded by people who love your sport…yes, please!

Katie, Hayley and I had so much fun riding down together, had the perfect date on Friday checking out all the best local spots and walking along River Street.  Then the conference started on Saturday, and my family drove down (parents, Mike and the boys) because I got recognized as Georgia’s Cheer Coach of the Year.  So nice to be recognized!  I told Mike that I may have received a few pity votes, but he kindly reminded me that my health issues may have just made people more aware that I am deserving of this award not because of my crazy health but because of my contributions to the sport.  Either way, I’m going to take it as a win and enjoy the honor.  It was nice to have my family there to support me, and I really enjoyed getting to speak and give shout outs to all the people that I love and are thankful for.  All in all, it was nice!  It was humbling, and I am grateful!

After all of that funness (can we make “funness” a word, please?  I think it’s worthy!), it was time to get back to it and tackle a crazy week of a lot of teaching, cheer banquet, getting to Emory for blood work and starting cheer tryouts.  I was tired.  I felt like my body might fall apart.  Oh- and I was trying to squeeze in my 2 workouts for the week, which I’m proud to say I knocked out 4 (they may have been only 20 minutes each, but a workout is a workout, okay?).  We’ll just borrow one workout from last week and add it to this week, since that’s a big ole fail on working out this week.  Nope.  Didn’t make it past 1 workout.  Sigh.

I did experience some mom guilt last week which is NEVER fun.  Baker didn’t feel well all week, but since I’m back to work then he had to go to school unless he had a fever or was throwing up.  He wasn’t doing either of those, but you know your kid and you know when they aren’t feeling themselves or feeling poopy.  Mine was feeling poopy.  His sweet teacher kept me updated and told me he was holding up fine and even sent me a picture of him holding his little lunch note I wrote him.  Then she sends me another pic…of him…5 minutes later…asleep…asleep at the table about to face plant into his plate.  Hahaha!  My kids really will sleep anywhere!  Bless his heart!  She moved him to her jacket on the floor, so he could keep snoozing and one of the teachers stayed with him there in the room while the others eventually went to carpool, but hello mom guilt! I felt awful that I had to send him on out the door and let someone else handle him when I knew he wasn’t feeling well.  Ugh.  I just wanted to put him in my backpack and take him to work with me!  Honestly, my principal is great and if I ever did that he’d probably understand, but I don’t think it’s the professional thing to do.  How do working moms do it?  Do you just get over it?  I mean, you can’t stay home from work every time your kid doesn’t feel well.  I know that we had the rule growing up that you went to school every day unless you were throwing up or had a fever.  I STILL follow that rule for my job!  If I don’t feel well, then I will push through unless I have a fever or I’m throwing up.  I think when my parents were raising us they probably weren’t so adamant about the stay home rule until I got to middle and high school, but as far as I can remember that was the end all, be all.  Mom also stayed home, so if we didn’t feel well in preschool we just stayed home with her…not the case for me since I’m back to work.  It’s all about balance though.  My kid is fine.  He’s not going to remember that I sent him to school and he almost face planted into his plate because he was tired and feeling like poop.  Mom guilt is harsh.  Is there a pill you can take for mom guilt?  Yes- it’s called wine!  Cheers!

Mom guilt aside, I manage to tackle a task that has been weighing on me.  I even went into the mailroom yesterday!  I haven’t been in the mailroom since I fell out, and I’ve been purposely avoiding it like the plague.  I finally sucked it up, put on my big girl panties and walked my ass in there.  The math, logical side of my brain reminded me that walking through the threshold did not trigger my cardiac arrest, so it’s not going to happen again by walking through that door.  The emotional side of my brain said, “yeahhhh, I’m not really interested in getting PTSD from seeing the trash can I hit, and the floor where I peed myself, threw up and bloodied up my nose.”  I had to face it though, and I did.  I didn’t stay but a few seconds, because I was starting to feel tears so I got out quickly like a fat kid in dodgeball.

This week was tough because it was a chemo week…while teaching…and holding tryouts…and going to Emory for pre-op.  Yes, pre-op.  I’m having surgery on Monday to remove the AVM on my left temple.  Does the medical crap ever stop?!  I can let you know how that goes later…I’m sure it will be just fine.  Maybe I’ll post a pic of my face swelled up like a balloon.  That’s apparently what happens for a day or two after surgery.  Anyways, this week has been a lot, BUT I made it.  It’s Friday night, and I didn’t have to miss one day of school.  I felt like crud, but I made it!  My students were kind, and my cheerleaders were refreshing.  All is good.  I wrap up round 13 tonight, plan on doing a lot of resting tomorrow and then when I get my energy back I’ll have surgery on Monday.  Wait, what?!  Wow that sounds slightly terrible!  Okay, let’s just take it one day at a time, and for today I’m going to celebrate surviving back to work and getting through another chemo round.  Baby steps, right?  All about balance…

Ashley Taube

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