St. Valentine’s Day
St. Valentine’s Day

I wasn’t planning to blog today, but couldn’t sleep.  So, this morning I wake up at 3:00 am, as I often do… This has been an odd side effect of the past year or so.  Often in the middle of the night I would get up to check on Ashley and I would look at the clock and it would be around 3 am. Not sure why 3 am but Ashley usually had to get up through the night to use the restroom.  But I would wake up and I would see that Ashley was […]

»
Choosing Happy is Hard
Choosing Happy is Hard

Choosing happy is hard. Extremely hard. I know it is for me right now. And I know it was for Ashley. Sometimes I wondered how she could make the choice to be happy, to pull herself out of sadness when she was in pain, frustrated, too weak to be herself… Now I ask myself the same questions. How do we choose to fill this huge hole that we have in our hearts? Sometimes we can’t. Rather we have other choices about our behaviors and our thoughts.  I can choose to get out of bed. Then choose […]

»
A Cheerful Heart is Good Medicine
A Cheerful Heart is Good Medicine

It’s been difficult for me to write this blog entry. Not because I don’t have anything to say, but how do you do justice to a sport that meant so much to Ashley and was so much a part of my life the last 14 years (25 years for Ashley) in one blog entry. This post was 3452 words so I edited it down, which become 5551 words before I edited it again. This blog is still too long but you can judge for yourself. Thursday 1/24 was five weeks since Ashley passed away. I […]

»
Yay! You’re Home.
Yay! You’re Home.

Several years ago, when Fischer was about 1 1/2, I came home early because a game got cancelled.  I opened up the door and he hopped off the couch and came running to me (Fischer was walking at 10 months) and said Daddy! and Ashley said “Yay, Daddy’s home.” I said, “you don’t know how happy this makes me” Ashley replied, “you don’t know, how happy THIS, makes me!” One day Ashley was shopping and saw this sign (Yay! You’re Home!) and thought of me. Ashley often told me that she was always so happy […]

»
What do I know- Part 2    (way too long blog post)
What do I know- Part 2 (way too long blog post)

As I continue to honor Ashley’s memory, I want to share some of my thoughts on grief. My wife had so many awesome connections in her life, that I know there is an army of people that have similar feelings to mine. Even if it’s a fraction of what I feel, I know it hurts. In “Part 1,” I alluded to the idea that my tips for dealing with grief aren’t working for me but might work for you. That’s a stupid statement. (As Baker’s voice is ringing in my head, “daddy you shouldn’t say […]

»
What do I know?
What do I know?

Ashley would often point out that I never take credit for my doctorate.  If it were up to her, all of my clothing and belongings would be embroidered or emblazoned with Dr. Taube. I don’t emblazon anything. This Christmas Ashley got me a journal embossed with Dr. Taube.  She told my sister in-law, “Mike never wants recognition for his accomplishments, I’m going to keep getting gifts with Dr. Taube on it.”  She went to say that I am a nerd that writes everything down when we go to doctor’s appointments, or meetings, or parent teacher […]

»
Puka Shells and a Seatbelt Purse
Puka Shells and a Seatbelt Purse

So here you go, the continuation of the jointeamtaube.com blog. The past few days I’ve gotten a lot of positive feedback on my remembrance of Ashley at her Celebration of life. It was hard for me to even to attempt to eulogize my wife.  The only thing I found fitting, was a love letter that I wrote to Ashley on our wedding day. Ashley keeps everything, and I mean everything.  So as I was looking through important documents that you need when you spouse passes, I found the letter. Reading the letter brought back memories […]

»
I’ll Be There for You
I’ll Be There for You

It has been two weeks since Ashley has passed. I did not think I would make it two minutes without her, let alone two weeks. Living life without Ashley hasn’t gotten easier, but it hasn’t gotten harder. My boys give me silliness and love when I need it, my family gives me strength and have been awesome at helping me navigate this new life and my friends… my friends are my lifeline. They keep me from withdrawing, keep me connected to Ashley, keep me laughing… Ashley and I have been very lucky to have the […]

»
Bloop, Bloop, Bloop
Bloop, Bloop, Bloop

What’s that? In our house, we say “bloop, bloop, bloop” instead of fast-forward when watching a recorded show. This goes back to when Ashley and I first started hanging out. She would record shows like Big Bang Theory or Sex in the City on her Tivo. I’d come over to do laundry and watch TV. See, when I first moved to Georgia I wasn’t going to settle here so I did not afford myself the luxuries of a washer and dryer, or cable TV for that matter. So, being a nice friend, Ashley let me […]

»
Basically, I Don’t Feel Well
Basically, I Don’t Feel Well

I haven’t updated you in a while, which I’m sure you realize means that I haven’t felt well.  This update isn’t going to be full of giggles and sunshine or of any great length because I just don’t have the energy to muster up a whole lot of anything.   Here’s how I feel: low energy, back pain, nausea, fatigue, vomiting, weight loss and bizarre things/colors coming out my back end that leads my doctors to believe I have internal bleeding…again.  The most basic of tasks feel daunting.  Last night, I was in bed and needed […]

»
One Day at a Time
One Day at a Time

I suppose there is quite a bit to update everyone on, but I often find that I hesitate to update because I’m usually waiting for the next news or next doctor appointment to clarify the plan.  The plan is ongoing, which is great (I function best on a plan), but it makes it feel like there is never a period or exclamation point at the end…it’s just a bunch of ellipses (I think that’s what you call the dot dot dot).  Here is the update on where I am medically…   We had another trip […]

»
What Lies Ahead, We Don’t Know
What Lies Ahead, We Don’t Know

I wasn’t planning on blogging today, but in my Timehop app (in my opinion, everyone needs this app- it brings back so many memories) a picture popped up that made me smile…and also made me think about when the picture was taken.  So many changes from then until now have occurred…some amazingly great, and some amazingly awful.  In August 2012, Mike and I took family pictures with Fischer because he was about 9 months old, and we were so happy with how they turned out that we framed multiple shots around our house.  We even […]

»
Beauty Product Must Haves
Beauty Product Must Haves

Okay ladies, I may feel like crap from time to time, but I am always on the hunt for amazing beauty products.  There is extreme satisfaction to see someone after a tough time and for them to say you look great!  Look good, feel good.  That is one of my mottos.  I don’t think anyone wants to look a mess; sometimes it takes more effort than other times, but learn some tricks, find good products and it becomes a lot quicker and easier.   I am about to share some wisdom with you, so get […]

»
Don’t Speak Too Soon
Don’t Speak Too Soon

I’ve been quiet on my blog, which you know what that means…I haven’t felt well.  Honestly, I was feeling GREAT!  Probably the best I had felt in maybe a year, if not more, so I was handling the small abdomen bloating issue since it seemed minor comparatively. I noticed that I started to have swelling in my abdomen in late April, early May.  It would start on my right side, and the more I ate throughout the day it would gravitate to my whole abdomen.  It was getting worse, and I was bringing it up to […]

»
Another Tampa Trip in the Books
Another Tampa Trip in the Books

I feel pretty good. Honest.  I have the most energy that I have had in probably over a year…if not more.  My back pain is gone unless I decide to sit in a terribly uncomfortable chair for any length of time (which everyone probably has this scenario, so I’m not special).  I am feeling stronger thanks to the 100 chaturangas I’m doing each week.  Chatu-what-a?!  It’s a yoga term for basically doing a slow and controlled tricep pushup.  I’m able to stand for more than 30 seconds without feeling uncomfortable, and overall my mental and physical […]

»

By Daniele Zedda • 18 February

← PREV POST

By Daniele Zedda • 18 February

NEXT POST → 34
Share on