Show Your Stripes!
Haven’t really had time to blog lately because I’ve been so busy, so God decided to give me some extra time on my hands and slap my tail in the hospital for the weekend and possibly for the rest of the week. So, on Friday I go walking into school after dropping Fischer off at school, Baker with the sitter and picking up Starbucks for me and Mike. I brought Mike his coffee, sang in my car while heading to park and walked my happy tail into the school and up the stairs. I felt fine, people. F.I.N.E. Sporting my new Sorel boots (yes, apparently I needed winter Sorel boots in Georgia even if it is 80 degrees outside), I walked into the mail room with my backpack on and coffee in my hand and apparently spoke to our sweet school nurse who happened to be in the mailroom. What happens next is all from second hand sources because I remember nothing…Apparently, I just fell out. I fell face first hitting a large garbage can on my way down while our sweet nurse tried to break my fall. I started seizing before going into cardiac arrest, and Candy went into nurse mode directing people to get the AED, call 911, and she started CPR on me. Mike was immediately called, and he was told that a cheerleader fell out in the conference room and to come ASAP. He immediately left his class and drove from the Fieldhouse up to the school while a coach is calling him and telling him to get up there ASAP. Mike had no idea this “cheerleader” was his wife. He pushed past the admin that were in the door because at this point it is during a class change, and the admin doesn’t want them to see what’s happening. The AED is already hooked up to me (which by the way means that my shirt and bra were cut down the center and I’m exposed to the world…awesome…not embarrassing at all…promise), I get a shock, and Mike gives me breaths while Candy does compressions until the EMTs arrive where they take my boots off (thank goodness they took those off and didn’t have to CUT them!) but they had to cut my jeans (cute Flying Monkey jeans, I’d like to add) in order to put the leads on my calves. I came to while Mike was giving me breaths and apparently was making some awful and painful noises. The EMTs get me in the ambulance and Mike rides in the front seat. I’m taken to Gwinnett Medical where they get me stable and the dust can begin to settle.
What. The. Hell. Happened?
I mean, seriously?! Am I not going through enough with all this chemo and cancer crap?! Now, I’m having MAJOR heart issues?! I truly believe God has a plan…I’m just not sure I understand why I am being put through the ringer. I feel like I’m handling things with positivity and grace, but how much can a girl take?! I broke down today. I feel like I held it together on Friday…after I came to and some of the amnesia wore off. I feel like I held it together Saturday and laughed and joked with all my sweet friends and family. The plan was to get me fitted for a Life Vest…aka my own personal AED attached to me with a stylish “bag” that gets to be carried around like a purse 24/7, and then maybe get discharged on Sunday.
Well, change of plans, folks. I may even be here all week. Apparently, I’m throwing PVCs…nothing totally new there…been throwing those puppies since I delivered my little Baker Bug…but NOW I am having long QTs….which if your heart can’t correct itself, then you go into cardiac arrest….exhibit A: Ashley Taube, October 14th. So, now they are thinking I may need to get an AICD implanted (similar to a pacemaker). Wait. What?! Did I hit my head and become 80 overnight?! A pacemaker?! As in that thing that all the roller coasters say, “don’t ride if you have a pacemaker.” What the crap?! AND…AND…another surgery to get this thing implanted?! Seriously?! Having a hard time getting my brain wrapped around all of this. I thought cancer was my issue?! No?! Not enough?! Sweet, let’s add cardiac arrest to the mix. So, now is the waiting game to consult with my Tampa doctors to see if I can even handle a surgery.
I don’t want to throw a pity party and say, “Why me?!” but I am human, and all I can think is “WHAT THE CRAP?! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!” It’s Fischer’s birthday week- I want to be with my family! My cheerleaders just had a major competition (which by the way, holy cow they killed it- so proud of them! I mean, I can’t have cardiac arrest every time I want them to do well, but hopefully that won’t have to happen again.), we have practice all this week, another competition on Saturday, I have jury duty next week (totally going to get out of that- I think I have a good reason), and I’m stuck here…in the hospital…again. Searching for meaning and purpose while still trying to keep my focus and energy on all the positive things and allowing my body to heal. God placed important people in important places on Friday, so I don’t think it’s my time. The fight continues. I may be blogging more often now that I have a bit more time on my hands. And by the way, the picture of me and my boys was us on Friday morning before heading to school. We all had on our Team Taube shirts ready for the Purple Out game that night. It’s crazy how just a few short hours later I’d be falling out and landing myself back in the hospital.