Reality Check

Here’s the truth…I’m out of shape.  Lots of moms fall into this reality.  I have always vowed that I wanted to stay in shape and not let myself go, even after kids.  I’m thin (which I’m thankful for), but I’m so incredibly out of shape that it’s pitiful.  I have been trying to work out more often, and while I’m peddling away on the elliptical, I’m lucky to go 25 minutes and max out at a level 5.  When I’m working out to a Pop Sugar video, I often find myself doing the modification instead of what the lead instructor is doing.  When I’m going for a walk with the family I have Mike push the stroller because at times it gets too hard for me.  Sure, I have plenty of reasons to explain this “out of shape” phase, but it doesn’t change the fact that I can’t do now what I used to be able to do.  I have run a half marathon before, and on Sunday I struggled walking a darn mile with my kids in the stroller.  Seriously!  I get it- I have had heart complications, I’m on a beta blocker, I am on chemo…blah, blah, blah…mentally, I am fine though, and mentally I KNOW that I can’t do certain things.  Just on Saturday a friend of mine told me about how she’s training for a half marathon that’s in Atlanta this September, and I wanted so badly to say, “I’ll train too, and we can run it together!”  I didn’t say a peep though because I know that’s not my reality.  It could be down the road, but right now a decent goal for me would be to run a 5K.

For lack of better words, it’s depressing.  Am I going to let it eat me up? No.  Am I going to keep working out and try to get my strength back?  Yes.  Frankly, it just sucks.  It’s hard knowing that I was capable of doing something and now this whole medical nonsense is slowing me down.  I am thankful that I’m even able to exercise at all, and I’m REALLY thankful that chemo hasn’t made me fat…that’s a harsh way to phrase that, but the truth’s the truth.  Ultimately, I want to exercise to be healthy and keep my heart healthy.  It sure would be nice if I could get back to running my neighborhood or local park without being worried about passing out or needing someone with me in case I feel awful.  One step at a time, right?

(You may have noticed that I have more bracelets on again today!  Haha!  It’s my staple- can’t stop- won’t stop!)

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