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What do I know?

Ashley would often point out that I never take credit for my doctorate.  If it were up to her, all of my clothing and belongings would be embroidered or emblazoned with Dr. Taube. I don’t emblazon anything.

This Christmas Ashley got me a journal embossed with Dr. Taube.  She told my sister in-law, “Mike never wants recognition for his accomplishments, I’m going to keep getting gifts with Dr. Taube on it.”  She went to say that I am a nerd that writes everything down when we go to doctor’s appointments, or meetings, or parent teacher conferences so a journal would be perfect.  It was a great gift and had extra special meaning having received it after she passed, I cried uncontrollably.

It’s not that I am particularly modest, but I work in the medical field and I don’t want to confuse my athletes, patients, or parents into thinking that I am an MD, or DO.  My degree is a PsyD. in Sports and Performance Psychology. Which is helpful when working with injured athletes but does not give me the authority to prescribe medicine, do surgery, etc.

Having a degree in psychology has been helpful in teaching, treating athletes, and dealing with Ashley’s medical issues. Helping myself with grief… Not so much.  But maybe I might be able to help others.

Several years ago, I was working with Mill Creek’s soccer team completing my practicum for my doctoral program in sports psychology. During my time with the team I would send the players weekly emails in regards to goal setting, use of positive imagery, and other mental training tools and activities. The soccer team that year was very successful and hopefully I played a role in that.

After the season ended, I kept in touch with many of the athletes. And I continued to send some mental training emails with helpful tips and articles that I thought they would like. Unexpectedly, towards the end of the summer, one of those athletes passed away. I felt that I needed to do something to help the team with their grieving.  As a sports psychology professional, I did not receive clinical training in grief therapy, so I did not try to do that. Rather, I gave tips that anyone of us can do to help the team manage that difficult time.

Fast forward to 2018. Three days after Ashley passed away, I received a message from one of the former players and how sorry he was for my loss. He then thanked me for that email series when his friend died and shared that it helped him and his teammates a lot.

I immediately went back and read what I wrote.  Honestly, in the moment it didn’t help me. Ashley’s death was too new, too sad, too hard for me to accept.  Knowing why you hurt so bad does not help with grief.  But I have tried some of those tips especially with Fischer and Baker.

Talking to others has helped. And through that talking, my brother encouraged me to share what I wrote so many years ago.  He asked me what Ashley would have to say about it.

Ashley would say “you paid all that money for the degree, you better use it.  Besides it might help just one person.”  The thing is, I used my degree every day.  The skills and training I learned to work with athletes that were struggling, I used to work with my favorite athlete… Ashley.

I have updated my tips on how to deal with grief to reflect on how I am trying to deal with my grief. Maybe there are some tips that might help you.

Please look for What do I know?- Part Two

Mike Taube

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Lisa Bendin • 7 months ago

Dude. You’re doing a good job here! Still love you (which includes the boys) and your dog. Come and see us.

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Carol • 7 months ago

I am a friend of Trisha Collier and a retired Gwinnett cheer coach of 28 years- no where near as successful as Ashley at that! Thank you for sharing...you are helping more people than you’ll ever know. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your boys.

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Robin • 7 months ago

Mike, I have been reading & following your thoughtful & touching posts. The power of words & language seem to help in grief for the writer & the reader. Thank you!

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Greg Jarvis • 7 months ago

You need to keep all of these, along with anything you have written down from the past few years, in a file somewhere. You have a book in you, my friend, and it needs to come out. I believe it would be great therapy. "Besides, It might just help one person." Much love and respect to you, Dr. Taube.

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Mike Taube • 7 months ago

I don't know what is in store for this blog, but I am keeping everything.

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Granny Wanda • 7 months ago

Beautifully written Mike and straight from your heart. I feel it as I read along. I am praying for all of you and I am here if you need anything at all

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Jordan Raettig • 7 months ago

Mike, I am enjoying reading your posts and how you are honoring Ashley through your words. Thank you for sharing with us!

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Mike Taube • 7 months ago

Thanks Jordan!

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Melissa B • 7 months ago

Mike , gratefully I look forward to your posts. It’s like an extension of Ashley writing. You are doing a great job . The content is helping all of us.

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Mike Taube • 7 months ago

Thank you Melissa.

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Jiffy • 7 months ago

I find myself eagerly awaiting another blog post. I appreciate you sharing with us all what you are going through. Ashley would be so so proud, Dr. Taube!

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Mike Taube • 7 months ago

This means a lot to me Jiff! Thanks Friend.

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Lauren • 7 months ago

I truly enjoy reading what you write. You speak from the heart and that is what you know. Thank you so much for sharing. I think about you and your boys daily.

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Mike Taube • 7 months ago

Thank you Lauren

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Tammy Mellott • 7 months ago

Mike~I cant wait to read what you sent your team. I have a family friend who just lost her husband and I would love to know how to help her grieving heart.

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