In our house, we say “bloop, bloop, bloop” instead of fast-forward when watching a recorded show. This goes back to when Ashley and I first started hanging out. She would record shows like Big Bang Theory or Sex in the City on her Tivo. I’d come over to do laundry and watch TV. See, when I first moved to Georgia I wasn’t going to settle here so I did not afford myself the luxuries of a washer and dryer, or cable TV for that matter. So, being a nice friend, Ashley let me do my laundry and watch TV at her place.
She once told her students this was the pre-cursor to “Netflix and chill” and they quickly pointed out that she probably did not know what “Netflix and Chill” meant.
Anyways, when we fast-forwarded through the commercials it would go: Bloop…Bloop..Bloop! So anytime she wanted me to fast-forward, she’d say “Bloop-Bloop-Bloop, Mr!”
Fifteen years later when watching American Ninja Warrior, (which in our house you have to say in a deep, low, Matt Iseman, announcer voice, “AMERICAN…NINJA…WARRIOR!”) Fischer will say Bloop-Bloop-Bloop to get me to fast forward back to the show. Ironically, we don’t have a Tivo anymore, so the Bloop-Bloop-Bloop is non-existent and a completely different sound.
So what does that have to do with anything. Let me back up for a minute…
When Ashley started chemo, there had been a GoFundMe account set up for her and they wanted a bio of her medical history. Basically, to give some background of all the things she had gone through. Ashley remembered that she kept record of her diagnosis and subsequent Whipple surgery in some sort of journal, which really was just part of old notebook she had.
But the journal entries where sparse and more of an outline. Ashley decided that we should fill in the gaps. This started her journaling again which eventually led to this blog.
A few days before starting her first chemo round, Ashley was feeling anxious about possible side effects, lack of energy, and worrying about nausea.
Nausea…Out of all Ashley’s treatment side effects, or disease complications, Ashley hated being nauseated, and definitely did not want to actually throw up.
To work through the anxiety, I suggested Ashley keep a journal. Ashley not only journaled but would make lists and reviews of products she liked. To her, journaling was about how she was feeling, how her day was going and how her life would be changed by this new seemingly endless 28-day medicine routine. This was very therapeutic to her.
Ashley never knew who her audience was, but had a knack for writing. It was like she was talking to the reader, even if it was just me. Her blog gained decent popularity and many people would tell her how much they enjoyed her musings and felt connected to her.
Fast forward to me trying to adjust to losing the love of my life, go back to work, and raise these beautiful boys without Ashley. Like many others, I have come to this blog to feel that same connection with her.
I miss Ashley deeply and I am anxious for what is in store for me and my family. So I am going to take some of my own advice and write about it. I would like to continue Ashley’s blog where she left off, if you will let me. If it is a huge failure, I have an exit strategy. Hopefully it won’t come to that. I plan on keeping Ashley’s writing’s available for the foreseeable future.
If I could fast-forward to the future to get past this heartache, I wouldn’t. I know I have these two amazing boys that are counting on me and we are in this together.
-Happy New Year