Day 7 of 14 in this chemo round, and Lord help me get rid of this darn metallic taste in my mouth! It is on point! Cold drinks with flavor help combat it, but it’s just like a band-aid. It doesn’t solve the problem, just pacifies it. We got to have breakfast as a family before Fischer went off to school and Mike went off to work. I have to order my food with a plastic knife and fork because I can’t handle putting a metal anything in my mouth. My Papa Jacks (mmmm) biscuit tried it’s darnedest to eliminate the metallic taste, but no such luck.
Thankfully, my youngest turned 18 months today and was up for some movie time snuggles this morning after we dropped big brother off at school and before I had to go to work. These happy times are great distractions from the metallic taste reminder. Yes, I’ve tried lots of things. No, nothing is working. Yes, it could be worse. No, I’m not interested in drinking some holistic drink that tastes like poop. Do you know what is the worst part of all of this chemo crap? It’s that our family calendar has embedded in it “Round __ of chemo- week 1” and “Round ___ of chemo- week 2” so we know how I will be feeling and whether or not we can make plans. I don’t want my life organized around this junk, but (sigh) I have no choice. This begins the ping pong game in my head of yes- this sucks, but it could be worse, but it’s really not fun, but it could be worse, I hate that I’m going through this, but others have it worse than I do, etc, etc, etc. Back and forth. A great friend of mine just lost her mom to pancreatic cancer (she had a different type of tumor than I do, and it ending up spreading to more than just her pancreas), and it makes me so sad. I’m so sad for my friend because she lost her mother and had to watch her go through this terrible path. I’m sad because I am forced to think “why me?!” Why am I getting to fight this off but others aren’t granted that same luck? I know another great friend that lost his wife to cancer in 2013, and she and I were both diagnosed in 2012. Why me? Both of these women are great women- how did they not get the chance to beat this? I don’t know that we’ll ever understand cancer until there is a cure and we can eliminate this atrocious disease. My sister-in-law gave me an awesome shirt that says “you never know how strong you are until strong is your only option.” I wore it today, and feel like it will be in my wardrobe loop quite often. Praying for strength…and for this darn metallic taste to exit the building!